Why am I so afraid sometimes? And why, when I'm most afraid, does my spirit seem to surge, rise up, and observe the whole planet from above? (I see Frau Else from above and I'm afraid. I see Ingeborg from above and I know that she sees me, too, and I'm afraid and I want to cry.) Tears of love? Do I really want to escape with her not just from this town and the heat but from what the future holds for us, from mediocrity and absurdity? Others find peace in sex or the passage of time. Charly is satisfied with Hanna's legs and tits. He's happy. But I, when face with Ingeborg's beauty, and forced to see clearly at last and am thrown into turmoil. I'm a nervous wreck. I feel like weeping and throwing punches when I think about Conrad, who has no holidays or spends his holidays in Stuttgart without even a trip to the pool. But my face remains unchanged. And my pulse is steady. I scarcely move a muscle, though inside I'm falling apart.
- from The Third Reich, translated from Spanish by Natasha Wimmer
I fell in love with this guy. He's been long dead. Now, this seems the most natural thing to me.
No comments:
Post a Comment